I’ll tell you a secret,
for 28 years I had given up on love.
A love that would make all others pale in comparison.
A love without doubt and questioning.
A love not plagued with what ifs and where now?
For 28 years I dared not dream that this reality would be mine.
I dared not think it possible.
And now it’s here.
And it’s real.
I’ll tell you a secret, unicorns exist.
Have faith, and someday you’ll find yours too.
I like my
trees with low branches
rivers with stepping stones
movies well delivered
and moments well lived
I like my
tests without surprises
art without restrictions
works without reward
orange juice unconcentrated
drinks without alcohol
friends without benefits
every waking moment with God
Patricia’s xanga circa 2005
What doesn’t kill you
It seems that every time my life meets a new obstacle
this phrase finds its way into my thoughts
hoping that after all this ends
it’ll be no more than a laughing matter.
Right now I feel like I’m facing a giant brick wall;
no door, no cracks, no footholds to help me climb.
Maybe if I fall a few times, get a few bruises
but shimmy my way over
I can laugh maniacally on the other side
and glory at my victory scars.
Look back on my conquered brick wall
and onto the next mountain
School’s just around the corner. No time to dawdle. No time to procrastinate. I need to put on my thinking cap and hit the textbooks for a whirlwind of work, stress, and late-night cramming prior to exams. No more movies, downtown rendez-vous, or pac-mall-pac games. Alas, the wrath of school is upon us. Let us take up our swords and give our last battle cries.
Patricia’s xanga circa 2007
Another year, another blog post.
- Breaking up with my cheating ex (finally)
- Hitting the slopes with my besties in Tremblant
- Fulfilling Jr. High dreams by going on an epic trip with the best of friends to S. Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam
- Oh yes and Iceland, just for kicks
- Meeting my
bfex and spending the summer frolicking around Toronto
- Landing a temporary full time position so I could reclaim my formerly sleep deprived life for 9 months
- Being a part of my best friend’s wedding
- Celebrating my dad’s 70th with the fam
- Meeting new snowboarding friends in the most unexpected place that are even more gung-ho than I am
- Running into friends in the workplace like the adults we thought we’d never be
2016 you’ve been swell. I have high hopes for you 2017. Bring it.
boyfriend ex showed up randomly one day at my apartment with flowers. Our conversation went as follows.
me: Am I missing something? What day is it? What month is it?
Did I do something wrong? Did YOU do something wrong?
Thank you, no wait… Am I in trouble? Is this a trick?
What’s going on???
him: Pat they’re just flowers. I wanted to get you flowers.
me: They’re never JUST flowers. You got me SHAME flowers. SHLOWERS.
And this is why I can’t have nice things.
It’s sweater season in Toronto and the gopher in me couldn’t be happier. Ever since I took a hiatus from the “fashion” (in quotation because I’m really not fashionable) side of my blog, I’ve spent time revamping my style. My wardrobe looks nothing like it did when I first started my closet project and I’m happy to say that I much prefer the simpler trimmed-down version. If my old closet was a crayon bucket, my new one is a set of sketching pencils. I basically got rid of everything that would be considered poor quality (a.k.a. made in Bangladesh) or trendy and replaced them with weightier pieces. It makes for a pretty boring aesthetic but I’m more than thrilled with the results. It takes me no more than 5 minutes every morning to decide what to wear. It takes me longer to feed my turtle. I know what pieces I like and what I feel good in. I have my trusty go-to sweaters on rotation that never make me feel like rubiks cube partying with the stranger beside me.
Surprisingly, what truly spurred the change wasn’t scouring blogs and comparing envy-inducing instagram feeds. It wasn’t narrowing down my favourite stores or writing out my favourite outfits (panda onesie anyone?). The real “aha” moment was the first step of any capsule closet planner, the lifestyle pie-chart. And sadly mine looked like this:
As a medical technologist I wear scrubs at work and and commute 3hrs a day almost 7 days a week. Therefore the clothing that I wear the majority of the time must fulfil 3 qualifications:
- Easy to change out of (and into scrubs)
With that figured out I then proceeded to purge 3/4 of my closet and replaced it with thick over-sized knits in neutral solid colours. Things I could basically substitute for pajamas in Day After Tomorrow apocalyptic weather. I walked into clothing stores with a new purpose. I was going to find clothing that acted like comfort food. No more heels. No more semi-transparent excuses for fabric. Nothing that layered on like a bridal cake. Just clean, warm, simple clothes.
Instagram and fashion blogging sites are riddled with beautifully stylish clothing featuring people that don’t walk or aliens that don’t feel pain. My life could look fabulous all the time, however, my lifestyle is nowhere close to theirs. All my clothing purchases have now dwindled down to a single question.
“Would I regret wearing this on the onset of a zombie attack?”
(Season permitting of course)
If the answer is “SO MUCH REGRET” then I simply put the item down and move on. It’s been an interesting and probably somewhat unique time of reflection but I’m glad I did it. Although I’m sure many of you out there have lives more suited to the world of exploring fashion, I regret to realize that mine does not. So there will be far less fashion on my blog from now on and far more just general ramblings related to my life. I thank everyone for following me on my journey thus far and I look forward to interacting with everyone on the more mundane. Toodles.
So my latest obsession just ended. It came in the form of a 20 episode, 2 hr long each kdrama series called Reply 1988. Despite the fact that I understood 70% of the raws and spent much of my free time watching this or doing turtle tank cleaning duties, it was worth it. Sorry world, my life resembles a crazy
cat turtle lady’s legacy.
On the upside, my father and I found something to ugly cry over. Him remembering life back in Korea and me realizing my parents never grew out of the fashion statements from 1988.
It just reminded me how much people hold onto the past. And also to appreciate the golden years of my youth as I embark on big girl life with a big girl job and hopefully a big girl future on the horizon. So as I begin 2016 with a touch of nostalgia, I look forward to the changes to come.
Come at me brah.